The Question

[Xavier]

Being in an interracial relationship, there is one question that we all will hear at one time or another: So what's it like?

In a way, it's a funny question. The intrigued expects an epiphany that will explain another race and help them to understand that race better or in a different way. Sometimes they are fishing for something that will confirm their stereotypes or perceptions. Other times the asking person is genuinely intrigued.

Unfortunately, at least in our case, the answer has probably been a let down. Though my wife is the first white woman I ever dated, I can't say the dating, falling in love, cooperation, or anything else has been anything extraordinary in relation to dating someone of my own race. On the male side of things, I have the same nagging :), honey-do's, intimacy, jokes, and general day to day life that I've had any other relationship.

So how did you or would you answer the question? Any great answers to make folks think or just make for funny situations? Sound off...

[Keshia]

Wow! I have heard that question for 13 yrs! (smile) My husband is not the first white guy that I had dated (and I'm not his first), but after him I knew I didn't need to look any further. Since we live in the south, it has really been a lot of fun shocking people with family pictures or with a surprise visit from hubby at work. Not to mention the reactions we get when we are out in public. It's almost like a sisterhood/brotherhood when we see another interracial couple. (smile)
I guess a combination of our different races and our individuality that make our relationship "special". I've had everyone from friends to strangers to family members ask me "well how is it?" and obviously when I compare it to my last marriage (which was abusive), all I can say is...WONDERFUL!
So I've given a wide variety of answers from "Girl, yeah, the myth is TRUE!" to talking about the respect that we have for each other but the bottom line is that race may play a small part in the situation but you must find someone that has the same goals and desires that you do to make it work.
Keshia

[Hugh Palmer]

I must say that with my wife and I it has been great. We get that question every now and then but for the most part its just the usual stares or you know the feeling when you are been watched.Back in my Jamaica in the past I have dated white women before and we are ok with it because there are many different ethnicities and thats normal.
On her side at first it took a little time to get used to us being together and now I still do not hang out too much with my in laws but we get along during the family gatherings like birthdays and Christmas.

[ken]

i don't know about my wife, but i have not had this question ask of me in the eighteen years we have been married. People have mostly asked us how we met. That question is more valid for us because we have almost nothing in common. I think people do it because they are trying to reinforce their stereotypes, like there had to have been some scandal that caused us to get married, or it was done in rebellion to our parents. I have heard that my stepfather swears I knew my wife way before i married her, but the truth is I didn't. I was introduced to her by friends and two weeks later we were married. In that time I did not even hold hands with her. While there were what i would call "extenuating circumstances" in our meeting and marriage, none of those included scandal. I would answer the question in terms of what it is like to be married to my wife as a person, not as a white woman, although i could you tell you some stories about being with an Irish-Italian woman............

[darkstar3d]

I've never had that question asked. How we met or how many white women I've dated or how long we have been together are the usual suspects. Mostly people just look. Sometimes in the boonies they stare. Was at a mall in Atlanta earlier this year and it was like we had a convention of interracial couples. We really had some stares then!

[Carole McDonnell]

Wow, I've never gotten that question. Been married 24 years. The closest I got was when my husband and I met a (white) woman and later introduced her to my friend (a white woman.) The woman I just met asked my friend, "How could such a gorgeous guy fall for her?" I suspect she thought my friend would be on her side and the conversation would be between them only. I've gotten two or three rebukes but only from white church folks from the south. A minister's ex-wife. And a minister. I also got a few, "Well, I praise you for your bravery" said out of the blue but definitely about my relationship...as if I had asked.